Dwayne was told by management not to ride his horse to work anymore. It was making the guys who stirred the vats really uncomfortable.
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Dear Ms. Jordan,
It’s come to my attention that you have recently finished your solar system unit. When I asked my daughter to tell me about the various planets she (very predictably) mentioned that Jupiter is the largest, Mercury the “fastest” (by which she meant “has the shortest orbit around the sun”), and Saturn, of course, has rings. When I asked her about Neptune, all she was able to tell me was that Neptune is the “blue planet” and it’s named for the God of the Sea. When I pressed her further about Neptune’s rings, she told me that Neptune doesn’t have rings. Saturn has rings.
And so, because of you, another generation of children pass through fifth grade without knowing that Neptune does, in fact, have rings. No, they are not as famous as Saturn’s rings. But they are there. And for someone with your power to completely neglect this is completely unacceptable. There is nothing you can do for this year’s class, except have a special lesson completely devoted to Neptune’s rings. Perhaps a party. And in the future, perhaps you’ll remember to learn more about all the planets, not just the ones with an already iconic status.
Also, Jupiter and Uranus have planetary rings as well.
Yours,
Melanie Wayne Meyers
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When I was a kid, I used to take all the clothes off my Oliver Wendell Holmes doll and draw nipples on his plastic chest. They were little specks, not the giant ones like some guys have. Holmes wasn’t a big nipple guy. And he didn’t like my other dolls. Not because they were mean to him. He just liked playing by himself in my mom’s garden. Near the carrot tops. And he could fly.
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Always bragging about her lower case g.
Takes more than one brownie before everyone has had a chance.
Excessively loud sneezer.
Blames Castro for everything.
Talks while calligraphing.
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Takes a cold-blooded man to tell a 15-year old girl that a dowser is born, not taught.
Specially when that girl has been dreaming about water witchin’ her whole life. When other girls are chasing boys and getting pregnant, my daughter’s out in the woods looking for sticks and branches. And maybe she ain’t found water yet. Maybe she’s been at it going on 4 years now and hasn’t turned up a drop.
At least she believes. And you can’t teach that. Am I right?
Seems to me, someone of your stature might offer a few words of encouragement. Maybe a tip or two.
God knows this world could use more of y’all. What with drought sweeping across the prairies.
I’d like you to think back to when you were first starting out, sir. Alone on a dust farm somewhere, following the twitch of your stick. Would it have made a difference to you, then, if someone had offered a few kind words of support?
No?
Your heart is a desert, sir.
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