Kiddie Cup

If you’re a waiter and the kid at the table is talking about fishing with dynamite, then don’t give him crayons for his placemat.

You can give him the plastic cup with the lid–the kiddie cup–but wait until you bring out everyone’s drinks, and make sure it’s your last night or make sure you’re sleeping with the manager because even though it will be funny to you to give a 12/13 year-old, hyper-precocious Korean kid with glasses a kiddie cup, you should have some bit of insurance; most likely Kwan’s mom is going to want to talk to the manager you’re sleeping with (but nothing more because he’s married and you’re “not gay”) because you couldn’t just give him the plastic cup and enjoy the joke yourself, you had to tell the rest of the staff, including Pablo the dishwasher who actually came out and just stared straight at the kid, then laughed–laughed hard because he hates kids who will never have to get their hands dirty!–and that tipped off the mom because had it just been the kiddie cup and your straight-faced satisfaction, then she would have only suspected.

But thanks to Pablo (and Chewy the sous chef) she caught you and explained to the manager that her son had had a particularly bad day at school (he’d spilled pudding on his pants and someone called him Captain Poop, which lead everyone to call him Captain Poop) and they were spoiling him to take his mind off of it and he’s not precocious, but very timid, and it was his father who encouraged him to think of a way to fish without using a pole because getting Kwan to brainstorm strange things was recommended by the therapist.

Maybe you should just go with the crayons.