1. Every handstand you hold for 5 seconds adds a year to your mother’s life.
2. Handstands make you smarter because they feed your brain more blood. Don’t you want to be smart like your brother Tyler?
3. If you can do a handstand whenever I ask you to—not using a wall to balance yourself—then I’ll buy you another pair of banana pajamas, the pink pair you keep asking for.
God Loves Handstands
4. Every boy in Brazil your age can do a handstand by now, and you’re Brazilian–on your mother’s side.
5. Your handstands won’t stop earthquakes from happening, but they will buy us more time to prepare.
6. Of course I can do a handstand.
7. Handstands can open doors for you that are unavailable to little boys who can’t do handstands on command. “Open doors for you” means more chances to have candy and donuts.
8. Your mother is not going to take you and Tyler to Grandma’s if I don’t stop asking you to practice your handstands.
9. Asking you to practice your handstands is not the same as demanding you to do your handstands. You always have a choice.
10. That was Circ de Soleil on the phone. They want to know how you’re coming on your handstands. I told them you’ve almost got it. They said they’ll call back in a week.
11. Your mother’s crying because her Brazilian best friend called her a mean name in Brazilian.
