Well, my son, if putting honey in your ear so your burro can lick it out is the worst thing you’ve done, then you’re easily absolved. But you should no longer tempt your burro.
Yes, Father.
You are to say seven Hail Marys–
Father?
Yes?
It was not my burro.
Very well. Do not tempt the burro of another.
Yes, Father.
Instead of seven Hail Marys, you should say ten–
Father?
Yes, my son?
It was not my ear.
Now I am confused.
I put honey in my brother’s ear so that our neighbor’s burro would lick it out.
Yes, yes. These are all still just Venial sins, my son. Fifteen Hail Marys will be sufficient. And please, do not do this again.
Yes, Father. Of course, Father.
Is there anything else?
No, Father.
You’re certain?
Yes, Father.
Very well. In the name of the Father, the Son, the–
Father?
What?
I don’t have a brother.
Why did you say you did?
I don’t know, Father.
So whose ear did the burro lick the honey from?
Mine, Father.
Why did you change your story then?
I was ashamed, Father.
And why would you be ashamed?
Because I liked it.
You liked having a burro lick honey from your ear?
I love her, Father.
You love her in what way?
I love her as my father loves my mother.
You love her in a romantic way?
Yes, Father.
Do you know that this is terribly wrong and goes against God’s will?
Yes, Father.
And yet you defy God by putting honey in your ear for your neighbor’s burro to lick clean?
Yes, Father
You must do more than pray, my son. You must repent with all your heart for this unnatural lust.
Father?
Yes?
It’s not my neighbor’s burro? It’s my burro.
So what you first confessed was true except that you did this all out of lust?
Yes, Father.
Is this all you did with your burro?
Yes. I promise, Father.
Are you sure?
Yes, Father?
Then you will say five Rosaries and leave your burro alone.
Father?
What?!
We are in love.
That is impossible and unnatural.
She told me you would say that.
