From the monthly archives:

January 2010

Yellow Raisins are the ________ of Fruit

January 18, 2010

sophomore year tongue depressors 1981 Swiss hip hop Stephen Crane foster cousin question, What are you going to do with a sociology degree? Utah Diet 7up neck pillow Jack Sikma green peppers on pizza mollusks Book of Micah lima beans 11th Amendment Des Moines

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Be Not Proud: Another Excerpt From An Awkward Eulogy

January 17, 2010

Ray gave great eulogies–we all know that. He eulogized both my parents, our sister, my Aunt Kay, and our uncle, Father Steven. So here I am about to eulogize the King of the Eulogy, and I’ve lost my notes. Ray didn’t have notes, of course. He spoke from the heart. But I’m not Ray. In [...]

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Practicing Telepathy on My Neighbor’s Toddler

January 16, 2010

Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…Regina, Saskatchewan…JUST SAY IT!! SAY IT TO YOUR MOTHER!!

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Moon Rocks Don’t Skip

January 15, 2010

My son Todd claims his rock skipping record is 27. This is ridiculous and he knows it. First of all, you can’t accurately count skips. It’s an estimate at best, which is why most skippers have their records in round numbers. When someone says 31, you know they’re either making it up or they miscounted. [...]

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Overheard at a Retirement Party for a Professional Dart Thrower

January 14, 2010

Come on, Dirk. Just one more game. Sorry guys. It’s over.

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The MF Interviews Claude Oscar Monet

January 14, 2010

CONTRIBUTED BY LAURA ROBB (Hartsdale, NY) The Murky Fringe: You were a painter, but you developed cataracts. Isn’t that poetic irony? Claude Monet: I’m not sure. Is there even such a thing as poetic irony? MF: Touche. Let’s talk names. Your other given name is Oscar. It would be cliche to ask if you’re an [...]

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Nicknames for Your Underbite

January 13, 2010

“Juts” “The Chinner” “Ol’ Gutter” “Bottom Drawer” “Captain Under” “The Dripcatcher” “Slurpy” “The Bear Trap” “Mecklenburg”

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The MF Interviews the Butter from Last Tango in Paris

January 12, 2010

The Murky Fringe: Let’s start at the beginning. How did you land this role? Butter: I had a very good friend at the time who was friends with Alberto Grimaldi, the producer. Grimaldi mentioned it over drinks and the next day they called me in. The Murky Fringe: Was there an audition? Butter: No. It [...]

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A Baker’s Rage

January 11, 2010

People need to stop making such a big deal about Hawaiian sweet rolls. Seriously.

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Brass Knuckles

January 10, 2010

I didn’t know my sister was interested in our mother’s brass knuckles until we were going through the will together and there was no mention of them at all. Despite our similarities, my sister and I were not competitive. In fact, in most cases if I knew she wanted something more than me, I would [...]

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Direction for Holding Your Guitar at a Photo Shoot

January 9, 2010

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Overheard at Appomattox Court House (1865)

January 8, 2010

“Sir, you have some biscuit in you beard…right there…here…got it.”

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Confusion in a Wet Nurse Interview

January 7, 2010

Mother: And why did you leave your last job? Wet Nurse: My employer no longer needed my services. Mother: Why was that? Wet Nurse: Because the child no longer required breast milk. Mother: I see … and was that your decision or the mother’s? Wet Nurse: Hers, of course. Mother: And how old was the [...]

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Teenage Mexican Girl With Nail Gun

January 7, 2010

CONTRIBUTED BY MATT RIORDAN (New York) Jack was in the middle of what would later become known as his Mexico period. He was smoking bales of the local skunk and reading all this crap about land reform and native spiritualism and lots of Chomsky. Grocery lists by Chomsky. He went down there after he got [...]

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Lazarus in Therapy

January 6, 2010

To be honest I’m not sleeping much. And when I do sleep it’s not restful. I wake up and I’m still tired. Food tastes…well, you know how this goes. I’m having sex, but I’m not really into it, not taking the initiative, not exploring my desires, etc. I know, I know, I should be running, [...]

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