I caught my son putting Bag Balm on his elbows last night after he thought I’d gone to bed.
I heard the sound of a lid being put back on a metal container and barged in. There he was, working the salve into his elbows like I’d seen my mother do a thousand times.
“What the hell are you doing?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
“Is that Bag Balm?”
“Leave me alone!”
I snatched it off his bedside table. “You’re too young for this stuff.”
“It’s mine!” He lunged for it and missed. His comforter stuck to his arm. “Nana used to put it on her elbows before bed.”
“That’s because Nana grew up on a farm and survived the Depression and rejected electricity. I don’t want any son of mine treating himself like he’s 75-years old woman. You’re too young and that’s the end of it.”
“I HATE YOU!”
“Good. Then I’m doing my job.”
“It’s just Bag Balm.”
“It’s for cow udders, son. Now come on.”
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
yes. I love the creepy things your slightly off kid characters do. It’s like the shoe horn girl. They’re so innocent yet sickly at the same time. And the parent is this normal voice of reason who really needs to kick the shit out of their kid for being so goddamn weird.
Bag balm is behind the pharmacy counter for a reason…so the veterinarians can’t prescribe it.
My little brother had a formula of bag balm inside his socks for soft feet and wizard air freshener on the outside to hide the evidence. Then he got discovered.