Sophia Rimbaldi Will Always Beat You In a Staring Contest

1. Because your mother nursed you through kindergarten.
2. Because you cannot control your eyelids.
3. Because Sophia Rimbaldi does not lose. Ever.
4. Because if you were a real man, you would be outside fucking in the rain like Sophia Rimbaldi is right now.
5. Because you're not Italian.
6. Because your father did not teach you to fight.
7. Because Sophia Rimbaldi will always want it more than you.
8. Because on your best day, you're still not as brave as a baby sea turtle who hatches on the beach and makes his way to the ocean.
9. Because you're ashamed of your pecker and she knows this.
10. Because you cannot slap a tiger on the mouth.
11. Because Sophia Rimbaldi is the rhino, and you are the flea near her horn.
12. See reason #3

Tagged as: baby sea turtle, flea, fucking in the rain, Italian, Italy, pecker, review, rhino, Sophia Rimbaldi, staring contest, win