Some of you are going to write a research paper on me this year. At least one of you should have the guts to include the part about me only having sex for like 2 seconds at a time. Maybe it’s not relevant to your rubric (and maybe it will get you in trouble), but that shit’s true. Besides, you’re going to write about my amazing courtship displays anyway. Trust me, you will. Why, then, leave out the part about the hard-earned prize: my hot cloaca action lasting all of 2 Mississippis? At least one of you is going to do the right thing. Maybe more. And I’m proud of you already.
Also, my tongue is crazy long. Just saying.
