Following a quote in which Carlos Fuentes addresses the fact that he will never win the Nobel Prize for Literature because Gabriel Garcia Marquez already won it…
ME: Maybe you’re not going to win the Nobel Prize because you’re just not that good.
Fuentes: What did you say?
ME: I said, “Maybe you’re not going to ever win the Nobel Prize because your work does not merit such an award.”
Fuentes: Who are you?
ME: I’m someone who’s read your work and finds it lacking greatness.
Fuentes: You wouldn’t know greatness if it bit you on the ass.
ME: See, right there. A great writer would have thought of something better than “bit you on the ass.” Garcia Marquez would have nailed me. But he’s a master; and you’re not.
Fuentes: You are a small woman.
ME: So?
Fuentes: And what have you ever written?
ME: I don’t write.
Fuentes: Exactly.
ME: No, I could write, but I think it’s self-indulgent.
Fuentes: Well, of course it’s self-indulgent. Do you know nothing?
ME: I know that you’ll never write anything better than Love in the Time of Cholera.
Fuentes: You’re a little bitch.
ME: Again with the lame retort. Borges would have skewered me by now.
Fuentes: Chinga tu madre, puta!
ME: I know what that means, and you’re a dick.
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I want to say “Carlos Fuentes is about as original as my ballsack” but I have a grave fear that my ballsack isn’t original either, at least in the written word.