3 toed sloth is my biggest animal crush.
• [point]
1 person who I told this to (Sherry!)
4 people Sherry told (Todd, Linda, Agnes, Troy)
1 gym teacher who found out (Mr. Stallworth)
5 babies I wanted to have with Mr. Stallworth, but he’s already married with a baby of his own
9 drawings of 3 toed sloths I made for Mr. Stallworth but did not send
2 times I watched Mr. and Mrs. Stallworth sleeping from outside their bedroom window
6 pairs of red athletic shorts that Mr. Stallworth has that I want for my altar
5 classes I got Bs in my freshman year before Mr. Stallworth told everyone about my sloth crush
3 kids who teased me about my sloth crush
5 years I will wait until I burn down each sloth crush teaser’s house with techniques I learned from Backdraft
8 is the number infinity standing up and I will stand up to bullies forever
9 th grade is the worst grade ever
7 th grade sucked too, but for different reasons
9 girls went to a party, and I wasn’t invited
3 times my dad and I watched Predator 2 with Danny Glover the night of the other party
2 times my dad had to fast forward Predator 2 because of sex scenes
3 boxes of peanut brittle we ate with chocolate milk
8 wishes I made when Danny Glover fought the Predator at the end
4 times we talked about Mom during the first viewing of Predator 2
6 men Mom had been with since I was born besides my dad (said my dad in a sort of kidding voice)
2 Vietnamese brothers I have (said my dad but totally joking because he dodged the draft)
6 handball tournaments I would have won if I had 2 Vietnamese brothers
4 skin that my brothers would have had before the brisk we would have given them
3 brothers I really have who don’t have foreskin because we’re Catholic
[interchangeable]
3 brothers who don’t mind my sloth crush
8 three-toed sloths that I want to start my special sloth ranch in Alabama
3 acres for each sloth
2 people to run the special sloth ranch: me and Mr. Stallworth
7 kinds of food we would feed them: licorice, hay, baby mice, Grape Nuts, bamboo, chicharones, and black mission figs
9 times me and Mr. Stallworth would do it in the sloth tree while they were off eating baby mice in the special sloth cafeteria
