Wait. Before you hit me again, let me explain myself. I understand that the way that came out was wrong. I know that your mom and dad haven’t been divorced that long, and that you’re probably not ready for her to start seeing–wait, don’t hit me again–start seeing other people, and that I probably wouldn’t be your first choice for potential—oww, okay, I maybe had that coming–potential dating partners for your very attractive, I have to say–whoah, hey!–mom, seeing as how she was our den mother when we were in Boy Scouts, and seeing as how as recently as last year you were still stuffing me into lockers, but I want to just say before you hit me yet again–you’re strong for your age, for sure, of all the seniors me and my fellow sophomores fear, you’re among the most fearsome, but I just have to–okay, you know what, this is getting a little, I don’t know, childish?–I just have to say that my intentions are entirely honorable with your mom, even though sure there’s an age difference to consider and probably some laws–believe me, I wouldn’t say anything–and there’s a way around the law part, but I don’t think my parents would sign–it’s not a permission slip, I don’t think–but well anyway I just want you to know that should things work out between us–me and your hot, hot, mom–I wouldn’t ever expect you to call me dad.
Unless you want to, of course. I’d expect to have to earn that.
Ouch. Watch the glasses.
