1. Don’t name the horses. They already have names. Like Dutchess. And Ginger. And Phyllis. And Riley.
2. If we are chased by Indians, do NOT yell insults aimed at buffalo.
3. We do not carry gold. Please do not ask to see the gold. There is no gold. None at all.
4. No, we will not race trains.
5. No shooting out of the stagecoach windows.
6. No penis fighting.
7. No passengers will ride atop the stagecoach with the stagecoach driver. No exceptions.
8. If there is another stagecoach running alongside, do not attempt to jump to the other stagecoach. This is just foolish and will most likely end in trampling.
9. Please do not talk to someone in the stagecoach who clearly does not want to talk to you. This includes children.
10. Boots will be kept on at all times in the stagecoach.
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Keep your head, hands, and arms inside the stagecoach at all times.