10 Reasons My Psychiatrist Doesn’t Believe Me When I Say My Other Personality Is A Mexican Street Dog

Corriendo, corriendo todo el dia

1. I have no trouble forming strong emotional connections.

2. I’ve never been to Mexico.

3. When I am in “Mexican street dog” mode, I still carefully cut my meat into small pieces and dutifully place a napkin in my lap while I sit at a dining table. (She says really this is the only reason she needs to not believe me, but that she’s got plenty more.)

4. I go to the dentist every six months for cleanings.

5. I’m grossed out by the thought of two post-coital dogs stuck together, so how in the hell could one of my personalities be a Mexican street dog, she says.

6. I admitted to her that I have driven my car without crashing while I was taken over by the dog.

7. I got a tattoo that says “Mexican Street Doggin” and apparently just the fact that I got it in English is proof enough for my psychiatrist.

8. When I lost my appeal hearing for multiple-personality disability at Social Security, I didn’t rip into anyone’s flesh with a vicious bite.

9. I sleep with my cat every night. I told my psychiatrist that plenty of dogs sleep with cats all the time and she told me “C’mon, not Mexican street dogs, no way.”

10. I regularly walk past a variety of dead animals without digging in.