The stage can be a lonely place, especially when you suck.
So, what about that war in Iraq? I mean, what’s up with that? WMDs? What’s that stand for, We Made Dat… up?
[silence]
Oh, and hey, what’s up with this social networking? I mean, Friendster, MySpace, you guys heard about this? So, this girl messages me–I mean, she could be a model, very attractive, very-classy looking lady, lots of cleavage showing–says she wants me to add her as a friend. Two days later my computer’s crashed because of a virus I got from her profile. And I’m thinking to myself: if I want to catch something from a hot woman, I go to a bar. I know this is virtual reality, but it doesn’t have to be that much like life.
[silence, polite cough]
The other day, I’m in the car at a stop light, and the kid in the car next to me keeps looking down. Now I’m figuring maybe he spilled something in his lap, maybe his shirt got caught in his fly and he’s trying to get it loose. Turns out he’s texting. I mean, can you seriously not wait until you get where you’re going to text someone?
[silence, sound of people adjusting in their chairs, the clop of heeled shoes walking towards the exit]
My girlfriend comes home the other day, she’s got what looks like a silver BB on her face. I go to flick it off–you know, like, here, let me get that for you–and she smacks me. It’s a piercing, she says. I just got it. I mean, in her face? I mean, are we all just going crazy? Is that what this is?
[sound of people coming towards stage en masse]
E-books? Have you heard? Working from home? Are they serious? Janet Jackson’s nip-slip? Britney?
[sound of bones breaking, screams, repeated bludgeonings with stage equipment]
