The Murky Fringe Interviews Mike Tyson

I'm going to whisper a secret into your ear, if I can find it.

Murky Fringe: You became heavyweight champion of the world at what, eighteen?

Mike Tyson: I believe that’s correct, yes.

MF: Actually, it’s not. You were twenty when you won the WBC title. Which still made you the youngest heavyweight champion of all time.

MT: Are you trying to trick and humiliate me with your skullduggerous questions?

MF: Maybe a little. I mean, your gender politics are for shit.

MT: I appreciate very much a strong and independent woman.

MF: Define strong and independent for me, if you could.

MT: Here’s a definition for you: I’d like to dominate you sexually.

MF: Umm… What did Evander Holyfield’s ear taste like? If you recall?

MT: Have you ever had a confident, rapacious man force you to do things against your will in a luxurious penthouse suite?

MF: A few times, yes.

MT: Well, I’m certain that…

MF: I mean, I did grow up just outside of a naval base.

MT: I’ve had some very skullduggerous interviews before, but this is the strangest, most…

MF: Except, of course, it wasn’t a luxurious penthouse suite. More like rent by the hour motel.

MT: I miss my mentor and trainer very much. He used to help me with things like…

MF: And the men, I don’t guess they were strong and confident so much as they were drunk. I used to empty their wallets once they’d passed out.

MT: That’s such a strange similarity. I used to empty people’s wallets, too. When I was a kid. In Brooklyn. I used to rob people.

MF: That’s because we’re the same, Mike, you and I. Except that I’m not crazy so much as opportunistic.

MT: You know, that’s just what Don King used to say to me.