Ironically enough, the only person who really gives a shit about your dislike of Farmville is the guy selling you a shirt that proclaims it. No, wait. He only wants your money.
Please stop talking about how much you hate Farmville, or Fishville, or whatever it is that you think is polluting your Facebook newsfeed, and is thus polluting my newsfeed (with your status updates reading “I don’t care about the spotted ass ape you acquired in Farmville,” and bulletins of your joining groups with such witty names as “Screw You and Your Mafia Wars Too!!!!!!”). A couple of suggestions are:
•Turn off the news feed from the offending site (completely possible and almost ridiculously easy to do).
•Block feeds from the offending person if it bothers you that goddamned much.
•Don’t friend the lame fucks you went to high school with. You didn’t like them then, why would you like them now? You have nothing in common.
•If your issue is still not resolved, maybe it’s time to step away from the Facebook.
And not in the “practice slashes” kind of way, where you pretend–after announcing that you’re “done with FB, so peace out”–that you’re not logging in, but really you are, for the sense heretofore not afforded the living to, ala Thorton Wilder’s Our Town and/or Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life–essentially, that is, every high school goth and/or depressive’s fantasy to be a fly on the wall at their own funeral–except that, of course, people just keep on being the boring, mundane motherfuckers they always were (not unlike when you learned German to find out what the German exchange students were saying, only to discover that they were mostly saying stuff like It is hot today and yes, Klaus, that is true. Indeed, it is hot today.). No, maybe it’s time to really step away from Facebook. Perspectivize some shit. Discover by the size of the hole it leaves behind in your psyche how much of your life it was taking up.
•Maybe, like, join Farmville and/or Fishville and/or Tropical Bartender’s Cabana and/or Donkey Punch and/or Wild Westathon and/or Thumbwrestla. Just to see what they’re like. Because maybe you are like those dull-eyed fuckers you had home room with back in ’88. Maybe these simple and palliative time-thieves can be the great equalizer betwixt you and them. I hear tell that having friends in those games really ups the acquisitional curve.
Like maybe I heard that in Thumbwrestla, having ten friends in the first three days garners you the Lucha Libre outfit for your thumb warrior. And that’s the only way you can get it!
•You could consider all the kids with those starving faces in those faraway countries–you know the ones–and get a fucking grip. Your job in your cubicle is not so hard, is it?
Like rummaging in a garbage dump for anything sellable/edible-level hard?
Really?
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Ouch, that hurts, not me personally I’m not on fb. Incredible rant, what a tear you were on. I bet alot of farmville playing homeroom fucks that are gonna cry themselves to sleep tonight.
Is there really a game called “Thumbwrestla”? That would have been fun in homeroom.