The Murky Fringe: Is that, what? Starch? What does that?
Your Work Uniform: Yeah, starch. This is an unnatural stiffness for me. Starch does it. You’re really getting right to it, eh?
MF: How do you feel about that. About the starch. Tell me about the starch.
YWU: [Looking around] How in the cotton-blasting hell do you think I feel about it?
MF: We don’t know how you feel. That’s why we’re asking.
YWU: Ever worn a straight jacket?
MF: No. Well, yes. But I had a safe word.
YWU: Just think of being in a straight jacket for your whole goddamned life. That’s starch.
MF: Wow. That is remarkable.
YWU: No, it’s terrible.
MF: Who is Curtis?
YWU: That’s my wearer.
MF: Your “wearer”? Fascinating. Tell me about that.
YWU: Are you sure that you were actually assigned this interview?
MF: Yes, why? Well, fine, Deevers was supposed to do it at first, but she said she had a live one.
YWU: A live one.
MF: Yes, like a real person.
YWU: You’re a fucking asshole.
MF: Well let’s get back on track. The “wearer”—we’re so curious about that.
YWU: It’s the person who wears me.
MF: What’s it like to end up at a thrift store?
YWU: I can’t believe that you are such—
MF: Like let’s imagine Curtis messes things up real bad. Maybe he steals some money or bones a secretary or something—I guess you might actually be an accomplice during such an act, huh? Ha! Who’d have thought!—and then when he gets fired, well, hate to say it, but you’d probably end up at Value Village or Savers or something. Salvation Army, maybe.
YWU: Please unclip the microphone from me.
MF: No, no, we’re just starting to have some fun! So let’s say Curtis gets sweet with the secretary while at work. Tell me if I’m wrong, ‘cause you know him and I don’t, but there’s probably a pretty good chance that he’ll be wearing you when he does, isn’t there. That’s an accomplice where I come from.
YWU: [Heaving shoulders, crying silently.]
MF: Well damn. I wasn’t trying to—Listen, I’m sorry. Aw, shit.
YWU: [Still sobbing]
MF: Did that… the, uh, thrift store thing… did that happen to a cousin of yours or something?
YWU: [Sobbing loudly now]
MF: Or do you just love Curtis.
You must be Curtis
