At Dinner With Jonathan Stepp, Cosmopolitan’s ‘Guy Guru’

Are you going to write about this too?

I’ve already told you, babe, I don’t just write about whatever. I answer questions that readers have.

Yes, sure, but obviously there’s truth involved from your own life that you put into the answers.

Like what? What do you mean “obviously”?

Like when you wrote how you “had a hunch” that one guy’s girlfriend probably had low blood sugar.

What? Why? She probably did.

How in the hell could you tell that from his line, “My girlfriend gets really edgy when we’re out in public”?

You want some of this appetizer?

See, exactly what the fuck I’m talking about.

Oh my god it’s amazing. Try the grape leaves. You’ll totally feel better.

I feel FINE, Jon. That’s what I’m saying.

Low blood sugar is a bitch, babe. Makes people a little crazy.

I feel like you’re proving my point. And how about that other bit you did on getting your girl to go crazy in the bedroom?

Rings a bell, sort of. But Katie, I work for Cosmo. Every month I write about getting girls to go crazy in the bedroom.

Let me refresh. You said it’s a “surefire way to spice up a boring relationship when your girlfriend”—shit, how did you put it? Oh yeah—“when your girlfriend is in grad school and always hanging out at Zelda’s Coffee with that d-bag Mike.”

Just some example I made up to be funny. I’m a writer, Katie. We make stuff up.

You are full of shit, oh my god. That’s made up, that’s what you’re saying.

I mean, yeah, I used Zelda’s coffee, which is real, but otherwise it was all mine.

Jon, I’m in fucking grad school, and my classmate is Mike.

Wait—that douchebag you hang out with? That’s Mike?

I’m out of here.

Hon, babe, hang on. Katie. Don’t go.

[Stopped, looking back, hand on hip]

I forgot my wallet.