You maybe already won?
This is a scam. All of these prize documents you keep opening and sending back? With entry fees? They’re scams.
How do you know? What makes you so smart?
I’m concerned for your well-being. I am having serious reservations about your ability to continue to live autonomously.
All I know is, this one here says I already won thirty-seven thousand dollars. That’s a lot of money. Maybe not to you, but to me it is.
Couldn’t you just get another pet? If you need something to occupy yourself? Maybe, well, probably not like volunteering anywhere, but, I don’t know, something besides sending grifters your money?
How come them to send me this letter if I didn’t win money? Somebody’s got to win, why not me?
This letter–the part where it says all in caps MYRA WORTHHAM, YOU’VE WON A MILLION DOLLARS!!!–it has an asterisk next to it. And that asterisk says if you return the enclosed form with your entry fee of $15.95 and your name is drawn. Which means your name won’t be drawn. There won’t be a drawing.
Maybe if you’d go on Jeapardy! like I told you before, then you’d be rich, and I wouldn’t have to enter all these sweepstakes.
You’re entering these sweepstakes because I won’t go on Jeapardy!?
Well, mostly because I’m lonely.
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. That’s where the money is, anyway.
