Kid, before you go sticking that sword down your throat, you might want to consider a few things:
1. It only has to look sharp. A sharp sword will cut the hell out of your esophagus.
2. All of this is real. We actually train our throats and esophagus to allow something to slide gently down. Again, this is not an illusion.
3. Always make sure you’ve got somebody guarding you when the sword goes in. People tend to approach, and that’s not good.
4. This is difficult to say, but I’m gonna come right out and say it: you’re going to have to endure a lifetime of blow-job jokes. Like, “There’s an elephant, Pablo, why don’t you go practice” or “Well, if it isn’t Fellatio Alger?” There’s going to be more of this than you can possibly understand. So when you choose to become a sword swallower, it should be for the right reasons.
5. No lubricants. You don’t want that sucker slipping down before you’re ready for it.
6. Last but not least, never use a fencing blade. Lost a good friend that way. Just not worth it.
