The Murky Fringe: What do you think about the new guy?
Mildred: I’m not particularly impressed, but I’m glad he’s here.
MF: Just bec—
Mildred: Just because it’s nice to see young people at Stretch & Flex.
MF: Great. So, speaking of young people, tell us about the music that the instructor, Vijay, was playing today.
Mildred: That was Sheera Patel.
MF: No, it sounded to us like a drunk Tori Amos. Is that possibly it?
Mildred: No it wasn’t drunk Tori Amos. That’s Vijay’s daughter, Sheera Patel. He plays it every Monday. Wednesday is Linda Ronstadt and Friday is The Band.
MF: The Band?
Mildred: Yes, Usually “Music From Big Pink.”
MF: That would be a lot better than drunk Tori Amos. So back to the new guy, you’re not impressed, you say?
Mildred: No, not really. I mean, he looks athletic enough, but my goodness, he looks tight, doesn’t he. Just so rigid in his movements. I just wish that young people could understand how important it is to st—
MF: Great, thanks.
Mildred: Don’t interrupt me, young man. That’s the other thing: young people need to stretch more, number one, and number two, to stop interrupting us.
MF: Sorry.
Mildred: That’s okay.
MF: He does look tight. Like maybe he never even stretches.
Mildred: That’s what I’m saying. He’s a mess.
MF: Well, better to be here than not to be here, we suppose.
Mildred: That’s exactly right, exactly right.
MF: We noticed that you had no trouble at all with the 2-pound weights during the leg stretches. How did you develop that endurance?
Mildred: That’s just showing up, kid.
MF: Isn’t it true that it’s easier for you to show up because older people don’t sleep much?
Mildred: That’s a stereotype. We sleep plenty. I just, you know, like to wake up at 4:30. Get a start on the day.
MF: New guy looks like he stays up pretty late.
Mildred: He certainly does.
MF: Do you approach each Stretch & Flex class like it could be your last?
Mildred: Well, why would I do something like that? My Y Membership is good through the end of the year, after all.
MF: Yes, but just…
Mildred: Just what?
MF: Oh you know, time’s a runnin’ out and all that. However that song goes. Don’t make me say it, Mildred.
Mildred: Say what?
MF: Just, with the, uh.
Mildred: I don’t understand.
MF: Just how, you know… Oh, for crying out loud, you’re gonna make me say it. Old people die, is what I mean.
Mildred: You son of a goddamned gun. I can’t believe the nerve you have!
MF: Well Mildred, I want to thank you for sharing your Stretch & Flex time with us this morning.
Mildred: Swallow an acorn and choke, you little pissant.
MF: Thank you, have a great day.
Mildred: You get out of here before I tell Vijay what you said about his daughter. Son of a goddamned gun.
