Laura, you keep saying that Ally is a tiger in bed.
We have to talk.
You see, not only is that metaphor overused, it’s inaccurate.
Here’s why.
I’m going to assume that by tiger, you mean male tiger.
This is where it starts to get strange.
You see, male tigers have barbed penises.
Yes, like a fish hook.
They have to be because female tigers (most felines for that fact) won’t copulate for more than a few seconds.
Apparently it’s excruciating.
The male tiger and his barbed penis need all the help they can get.
Mating is more like, well, rape. I hate to use that word, but I hate even more that you keep referring to your lesbian girlfriend as if she were capable of this type of non-consensual fornication.
You might be more accurate to say that she’s a mollusk in bed.
They don’t penetrate one another, but their intercourse gets pretty rowdy.
Perhaps that’s what you’re really after with that metaphor: the conveyance of rowdiness; excitement.
If it’s more about penetration (and I know there are ways for that to happen between two women), then I think your best bet is to say: “She’s a barnacle in bed.” They have relatively the most gigantic penises and they are quite adept with them.
Plus that’s surprising, which always makes for a good metaphor.
