All chaps are created equally assless.
1.
Kyle: Lindsey Buckingham is such an incredible singer. I love her vocals on “Chains.”
Me: Lindsey Buckingham is a guy. And you’re a moron. And also, it’s called “The Chains.”
2.
Kyle: Yeah? Well maybe you should go and put on those assless chaps your mom got you for Christmas.
Me: All chaps are assless, Kyle. Just like your dad. And your sister. And my uncle Ray got me those chaps, so fuck off.
3.
Kyle: You’d better watch it, or I’m going to turn into the Wolverine on you.
Me: Logan doesn’t turn into the Wolverine, you ridiculous asshole. He’s always the Wolverine. And you don’t even know about the Wolverine, because you read DC. You only know about the Wolverine because of those pathetic movies, or else you’d know he’s just “Wolverine,” not “The Wolverine.” In fact, if your mom didn’t have such an awesome VHS porn collection, I wouldn’t come over here at all. Just so you know.
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Damn Kyle.
Shit I’ve Had To Set The Murky Fringe Straight On
Kyle: Lindsey Buckingham is such an incredible singer. I love her vocals on “Chains.”
MF: Lindsey Buckingham is a guy. And you’re a moron. And also, it’s called “The Chains.”
Me: Actually, you’re a moron too because it’s called “The Chain”
Guess you got us there, Andy. And don’t think we didn’t look to see if you’d misspelled “you’re” or “too.” It’s like you inserted those to give us hope of a comeback when there wasn’t any. Fine trolling, sir or madam.
We sincerely hope that at the very least you are one of those Adult Guy Andys, because that’s one of those things that we in turn would like to set you straight on.
Big boys should have big boy names, Andrew.
Unless you’re a kid or a lady. Then, you’ve totally got us dead to rights.