1. Don’t put a bow on it.
2. Always hold it by the handle. (Never touch the rubber head.)
3. It goes without saying, but avoid the word “regularity.”
4. Don’t pair it with a tub of Metamucil.
5. This is no time for irony. If you’re going to give it, then mean it.
6. Wait until she’s widowed.
7. Always give the traditional plunger, not the new-fangled, deep-swiveled, plunger-of-the-hour.
8. Insist that it’s for when you visit her, not the other way around.
9. Don’t let on if you’ve already named it. A son-in-law who anthropomorphizes a plunger is less likely to share in the inheritance.
