You may notice that "synergism" isn't on here. That's because it's not a word.
Hi Paul. Have a seat.
I want to thank you for coming in. Before we start, are there any concerns that I can address for you?
I’m not really sure. I mean, there seems to be pretty convincing evidence that the seas are rising, but it’s all so politicized now, who’s to say? But in any case, I think we’re safe here. As safe as anyone can be should the American coast line come inland.
And we’re on the third through fifth floors, so you’ll still be able to come to work.
Unless your boat motor doesn’t start.
That was a joke. To lighten the mood.
So Paul, we’ve got a couple of things we’d like to discuss about your time with us so far.
No, just me.
Well, I guess I meant we in terms of me as a colleague and me as your supervisor. I wear lots of different hats around here.
You’ve got me there, Paul. There is a fairly strict policy about hat wearing. That was meant more as a metaphor.
No, I’m pretty sure it is. What would it be if not a metaphor?
I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree there, Paul. I don’t think that “unsubstantiated figurative speech” is actually a thing.
That’s probably as good a place to start as any. Now, as you know, we have some fairly narrow-gauge jargon we use around here.
Narrow-gauge means, in this case, specific to us.
No, we didn’t invent the jargon, but not a lot of people use it outside of our business community.
Our business? You’ve worked here six months and you don’t know what our business is? Somebody ought to take your supervisor out back and horse whip him.
That was a joke. Because I’m your…
And no, I’m not condoning violence towards horses. It’s a…
I was not aware that witnessing a horse-whipping was what sent Dostoevsky around the bend.
To be honest, I didn’t know that Dostoevsky went around the bend. I’m not much of a reader.
War and Peace. Did he write that?
No? Huh. I could have sworn it was. It must have been some other Russian then. He was Russian, right?
So, Paul. We sell solutions. Specifically, we sell business solutions.
A solution is… well, it can be a lot of things, but in this case it’s a way to solve a problem. A business problem. We solve business problems for organizations, and they pay us for it.
Well, we also have some government contracts.
Some weapons systems that are still in the testing phase.
And chemical agents that are still in R&D. But our main thrust is business solutions.
About fifteen percent, I’d say. Eighty-five percent weapons systems and chemical agents, none of which are operable at present, and fifteen percent business solutions.
It’s a rough climate right now in the private sector.
Maybe we could go forward with addressing some specific aspects of your work life here at Biz Tel.
It used to stand for Telephone, Paul. We started out as a rotary phone manufacturing and installation concern. Business Telephone. It doesn’t stand for anything anymore. There was a good six months worth of investigation into whether we could turn it into an acronym, but the exploratory committee wasn’t able to produce anything substantive.
You’re right, Paul. That is a shame.
Let me ask you a question, Paul. If you had to describe your time here in four words or less, how would you…
Wow.
I want to thank you for your candor. Was that… I mean, you weren’t…
You were serious. Well, I’m very sorry to hear that.
What might we have done to make your time here less “blowing massive donkey cock?”
I don’t think that’s anatomically possible, Paul.
You know, I had some other points I wanted to go over, but what say we call it for now. Sound good?
Great.
