Not too cool, Dale.
My Stepdad Dale, reminding me on the regs that he isn’t my real father.
My Stepdad Dale, refusing to let me wear his ninja suit.
My Stepdad Dale, eating all the goddamned Funyons, and leaving the bag with Funyon crumbles and Funyon dust in the goddamned pantry.
My Stepdad Dale, selling bunk weed to my friends.
My Stepdad Dale, always saying “I wouldn’t kick that out of bed” when Vanna White comes on when we’re watching Wheel of Fortune.
My Stepdad Dale, giving my mom the silent treatment when she guesses the word or phrase before him when we’re watching Wheel of Fortune.
My Stepdad Dale, stealing my Nintendo and pawning it.
My Stepdad Dale, blissfully unaware that I comb my ball hair with his toothbrush every morning.
