The Closing 2:02 of Pearl Jam’s ‘Alive’: Thanks so much for being here.
The Last 4:46 of Derek and the Dominos’ ‘Layla’: Oh, absolutely. Are you kidding? We were so excited when you called.
TC2:02oPJ’s‘A’: That’s humbling. It’s just humbling.
TL4:46oD&D’s‘L’: Come now. You’re the Closing 2:02 of Pearl Jam’s ‘Alive.” You really shouldn’t be humbled by much of anything.
TC2:02oPJ’s‘A’: Again, that’s incredible to hear you say that. It’s so strange—we just have to say it, to get it out of the way—it’s so, so strange to be considered by so many respected listeners to be the most epic rock song fade-out. Now, of course, it’s ludicrous to us—obviously you not only tower above us as a rock-song fade-out, but you’re nearly twice as long as we are. Some people have no sense of history.
TL4:46oD&D’s‘L’: What we think is interesting—and pardon us, we’re not trying to conduct the interview, we’re just fascinated to speak with you—but what we find so interesting is that we have a fairly legendary mellowing out as our last few minutes. We get calmer. Whereas your closing, well shit, it’s like a tire factory on fire, one row after another catching blaze until the whole fucking thing is lit up.
TC2:02oPJ’s‘A’: We do like to get crazy.
TL4:46oD&D’s‘L’: Anyway, perhaps that’s why so many—how’d you say, so many ‘respected listeners’?—perhaps that’s why they put you at the top. That big old tear-inducing rubber fire.
TC2:02oPJ’s‘A’: Let’s talk for a minute about something too often unexplored when talking about all of this: the song that a rock fade-out attaches itself to.
TL4:46oD&D’s‘L’: Right. Exactly.
TC2:02oPJ’s‘A’: You’re anchoring a song about Eric Clapton fucking, and falling in love with, a Beatle’s wife. That’s a hell of a weight to bear.
TL4:46oD&D’s‘L’: It is! Indeed. And you? All you’re doing is closing out a song about some guy’s mom possibly watching him jerk off or whatever. Or at least look at him naked.
TC2:02oPJ’s‘A’: Well, I mean—
TL4:46oD&D’s‘L’: Okay so whatever, something weird was going on. Our point is, that’s no easy task either. So, really, you definitely know what it’s all about. Was George Harrison getting cuckolded in our song’s first half? Yes, he was. And in fact we almost didn’t allow ourselves to exist, out of respect to the Beatles. But fuck us straight, when we heard what Eric and Duane—that’s Duane Allman, obviously—were doing, we… we just caved.
TC2:02oPJ’s‘A’: That’s so fascinating.
TL4:46oD&D’s‘L’: We listen to you almost every day.
TC2:02oPJ’s‘A’: Well we listen to you twice every day. Good god. You are the end of Rolling Stone’s 27th best rock song of all time. Out of 500. Fucking 27.
TL4:46oD&D’s‘L’: Those are just—
TC2:02oPJ’s‘A’: We would jerk off in front of our mom in order to listen to you.
TL4:46oD&D’s‘L’: Wow. Thank you. That means more than you know. And you’re, uh, 497 in Q’s 1001 Best Songs Ever. Which always pissed us off, by the way. 496 songs better than ‘Alive’? On what fucking planet. But 44 in Guitar World’s 100 Best Guitar Solos. That’s all you. No solos in the first 3:38 of ‘Alive.” Just saying.
C2:02oPJ’s‘A’: Shit. Come here right now and hug us.
L4:46oD&D’s‘L’: Fuckin love you. Always have.
C2:02oPJ’s‘A’: Love you more than you love George Harrison’s wife.
Some asshole must have played 'Alive' again
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Take that, “Hey Jude.” And also “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.”
And fucking “American Pie.” Just when you think that fucker’s pulling into the station, nope.
Like fifteen goddamned times.
Also, TL4:46oD&D’s‘L: I love-love-loved you in Goodfellas. And feel like you got unfairly eclipsed by MTV Unplugged “Layla.” Which was a human fart in a Ziploc bag compared to you. It’s terrible what sobriety and the death of a child will do to a great musician.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.