1. First and foremost. Me and Bill been friends for I don’t know how long. Certain lines you just don’t cross.
2. I’ve seen the way Bill Plummer honkytonks. Everyone has. Might as well just stop with the pretense and press that penis onto her hip, is what we always say.
3. The man wears boots whichin’s made in China. That China. The country China.
4. Bill Plummer thinks Hank Williams is a racecar driver. Ask him yourself.
5. Linda shouldn’t be honkytonkin’ with anyone as slow-footed as Bill Plummer.
6. I happen to know that Bill Plummer had sex with an animal when we were at State—I won’t say which one, but just let’s say it hurt Bill more than it did that big dumb horse.
7. Bill Plummer thinks working a lasso is the same as wranglin’.
8. I also happen to know that Bill Plummer’s got hepatitis and, well, let’s just say I suppose I’m still hopin’ to have a go a Linda. At least for a little sugar, just every once in a while. It’s the sex kind of hepatitis.
Ladies, watch your hips. That man's penis is searchin'
