You never once saw his earpiece. Not once.
Mickey Malloy, Special Agent, Bank Robbery: Now Billy Hesper, that’s a fuckin guy who can cut a lawn. The creep can’t track a fugitive through his own goddamned living room, let’s be honest, but you haven’t lived till you’ve seen Billy work circles on a sit-down Deere across the street from a safe house.
Carl Jessup, Assistant Director, Counterintelligence: What can I say about Billy. I’ve worked with Billy Hesper since 1984 and I haven’t seen the guy shoot his gun and hit anything even one time. The guy’s keeping half of Pittsburgh employed with them making all those bullets for him, and he’d miss a river if he was on a boat!
Tammy Davis, Special Agent, Racketeering: If I was standing on a dark corner in the rain, looking at a mob hit lying dead in the street, and I could only have one fucking guy standing next to me, taking the case with me? Well folks… it’d be Tim Jenkins! And if I could have two? Well, then I’ll tell you what: I’d take Mick Malloy as my number two! Ha! In fact, I’d rather have Downing there catching that case with me, and he’s a fucking FBI web designer! But in all seriousness, folks: Billy could work a leafblower with his pinky and you’d think it’s what he was born to do. A beautiful thing.
Ted Downing, ‘FBI’s 10 Most Wanted” Web Designer: Let’s put it this way: if Billy’s wife Susie—that’s her right there—if Susie could get a master’s degree in breaking his balls, she’d have a doctorate!
Rick Tennyson, Special Agent-in-Charge, Office of Public Affairs: There I am advising all these Hollywood guys, showbiz assholes. On set, in like Chicago or something. Me and Billy, we were there to show them how real agents would rake leaves while waiting outside of a bank robbery suspect’s place. And I say to this guy—let’s just say he’s not a lightweight in Hollywood, okay—I tell him, “Listen, pal, do you want this done right, or do you want another Point Break? Because you don’t want the spot that Busey has on our wall, trust me.” And suddenly I look over and Billy has some fucking actor in a headlock! A kind of big-name guy. Okay fine, fine, it was John Ratzenberger. Yes, right, Cliff from Cheers. Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is you haven’t lived till you’ve seen Billy Hesper thrown to the ground by Cliff Claven. Happy fucking retirement, pal.
