High dive. Now or never. High Dive. Now or never.
I am going to ask the cute lifeguard where she’s going to junior college this fall.
How did Ron grow so much back hair without my noticing? How long has Ron had this much back hair?
Why won’t my tits grow? Everyone else’s tits grew this summer, and mine didn’t. Stephanie’s tits are now the size of her head and she’ll be dating seniors, and they’re going to be be calling me Carpenter’s Dream for the rest of my shitty life.
Coconut snow-cone? Cherry snow-cone? Pineapple snow-cone? Did I just make that up? Do they have pineapple?
Why is one of my balls bigger than the other? I’ve got to be the only person in the world with one ball bigger than the other. I’m never, ever, going to get laid.
I’m going to ask the cute lifeguard if he has a girlfriend. Today. Before the pool closes. Or maybe just after. When he’s walking to his car.
I hope Wham! never breaks up.
I am going to get so fucking wasted tonight. I am going to get so wasted tonight that I black out and people have to tell me tomorrow all the awesome shit I did.
Is that the ice cream truck?
Man, I hope the Russians don’t invade.
Why am I still sad that John Lennon is dead? I mean, that was–what? Has it been four years? How has it been four years? And why John? Why not Ringo? Why not Paul?
I hope Van Halen makes another album as awesome as 1984. Because 1984 is one fucking awesome album.
When did Sylvia’s ass get so flabby? How long has Sylvia’s ass been this flabby?
One more hot dog. And nachos. And a pack of Starburst. And I’ll swim thirty-five laps to make up for it. And then I’ll have a snow-cone.
Man, I hope The Talking Heads never break up.
If Jason wants to finger me under the bleachers tonight, I’m going to let him. But I’ll make sure his fingernails are clean. How am I going to be able to tell? I mean, it’s dark underneath the bleachers. Do I hold his hand, and run my fingernail under his fingernail and then like check? Should I meet him somewhere besides under the bleachers, under the streetlamp on Haversham Street? Should I bring a flashlight and pretend like it just came on on its own? Would it be weird to ask him? It would. It would be weird to ask him. I hope I don’t get pregnant.
Ice cream truck. Ice cream truck. I can hear it, but I can’t see it.
Man, I hope Night Ranger never breaks up.
Man, I hope the Russians invade.
Next summer. First thing. Next summer. First thing. Next summer. First thing.
