You want to make a video game about your life?
Hmm… I guess I can see that.
It would be kinda meta. People playing a video game about a guy playing video games.
A couple of questions, though.
No, seriously.
I mean, would the part where you sleep twelve hours a day–would that be part of the story line, the play or whatever?
Like you have to press the button repeatedly when like the phone rings or the cable guy shows up so that you can stay asleep, because otherwise you have to let the fucking cable guy in like you told the guy whose couch you’re crashing on, like for free–like you told him you would.
I mean, would you have to steal food from the fridge and pain meds from the medicine cabinet and weed from the dresser drawer of the guy who was kind enough when your shitty life imploded to let you stay on his couch until you got your shit together, with the like tacit understanding that you would, eventually? How about leaving your used jit rags lying around? Would that be part of gameplay?
The thing is, I think they already make that game.
Yeah.
It’s called The Sims 22: Freeloading Asshole Edition.
Maybe I’ll get it for you. As a going away present.
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It was the jit rags, wasn’t it.
No, “Steve from 112A”, it wasn’t just the jit rags. It the grass skirt incident with Tom’s mother. The thing you told my little sister was a chick o’ stick. The saran wrap on the toilet bowl. The fact that Tom and I couldn’t watch an episode of How I Met Your Mother without you saying, “Hey, it’s Spoogie Howser”. The theft of dozens of Little Debbie Snack cakes. I still don’t think it was spray starch on my panties. The round table discussions you had with the plumber, the crackhead on the corner, the skank from 213A, the Jehovah Witnesses, and who knows who else, while Tom and I were at work. And the jit rags.