CHEVY: A Chevy truck is perched atop a mountain. Its four wheel drive and amazing traction keep it steady on the icy terrain. We see some sweeping shots. This truck has the grace of a hawk and the majesty of the goat.
There is a close up on the left headlight. Did it blink?
Suddenly, the Chevy Silverado is barreling down the mountain. Over crag and crevice, it bounds, it careens. Its robust frame barely shivers at every landing. What is this it’s heading towards? A village of Tibetan mountain people. Has the truck has come to save them with its technology? To bring them a workhorse for the modern age?
No! It is a 2 ton death machine. It rips through the straw huts like a bullet through a bunny. The people are screaming. The sherpas have launched a counter attack using crampons and ice axes. But the Silverado is unphased. It opens its grill and eats Tibetan children whole. It sprays their women with hot transmission fluid. It swings its extra tire like a mace, punting their elders off the mountain.
And then the tagline comes across the screen: Chevy: No Pagans Allowed.
DOMINOS: A nerdy yet attractive delivery man in his mid 20s rings the doorbell holding a pizza box. Three girls in underwear open the door. They can’t believe the pizza got here so fast. What an amazing company Dominos is. It came so fast they didn’t even have time to grab money. Or put on clothes. Would the pizza guy drive them to the bank so they can get out some money? With a I-Can’t-Believe-My-Luck grin, the pizza guy says yes.
Cut to all three girls leaving the beat up Datsun and entering the bank. They’re still wearing different colors of gem colored nighties. Also, it seems this bank is open late. Suddenly, the girls run out each carrying duffel bags with cops chasing them. They leap into the car and tell the Pizza Guy to drive if he wants to live. A couple of windows are shot out as they drive away.
The pizza guy is crying and the girls are laughing and throwing money at each other. Finally, Pizza Guy says it was really not cool to trick him into being an accomplice in a bank robbery. He didn’t even see them bring in guns. That’s when Girl in Magenta Nightie says, “We didn’t have guns. We used magic.” And then all of the girls transform into hideous beasts still wearing the nighties but now bulging in very unattractive ways. Coral Nightie Beast says, “We’re succubi from the depths of Hades. But we tip well.”
And then they all get out of the car and leave one of the bags of money. Pizza Guy wipes his brow and looks at the camera. “Girls.” he shrugs.
THE DARK KNIGHT RISES TRAILER: Shots of Batman barely caring about Gotham. Shot of him having a slice while an old man gets mugged next to him. Shot of him waxing the Batmobile while someone firebombs a church. “Screw those clowns. I stick my armored neck out time and time again and what do you I get? Blamed for Harvey Dent’s death? Bogus. This city can eat it.” the voiceover says. Batman makes out with Catwoman the back of his Batcycle while giving a finger to Gotham. Shot of Batman picking up a phone, “I got room in Metropolis for you. –Supes”. Shot of Batman smirking ‘all right’.
