From the category archives:

Be Not Proud

My Uncle Leonard’s Hawaiian Shirt

August 5, 2010

It was all of a piece–the lighter with a naked lady on it he got at some bar in Subic Bay, Philippines (the PI, he used to call the Philippines, when he spoke of it at all, which was rarely, since he rarely spoke at all), the unfiltered Chesterfield cigarette permanently smoldering in the corner [...]

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Another Awkward Eulogy

June 24, 2010

I’ll always remember the first piece of advice Grandpa Bill gave me. “Always make sure the guys you’re with wear a rubber,” he said. “You don’t know what kind of women they might have been with before you. And women, they have all kinds of diseases, you know, down there.” I was eight, maybe nine [...]

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Be Not Proud: Another Excerpt From An Awkward Eulogy

January 17, 2010

Ray gave great eulogies–we all know that. He eulogized both my parents, our sister, my Aunt Kay, and our uncle, Father Steven. So here I am about to eulogize the King of the Eulogy, and I’ve lost my notes. Ray didn’t have notes, of course. He spoke from the heart. But I’m not Ray. In [...]

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More Excerpts From Awkward Eulogies

November 13, 2009

1. Honestly, we were so relieved he passed in his sleep. All those years at the paper mill, we thought for sure he’d get killed on the job. And I don’t have to spell it out for you. Saws. 2. Uncle Mort once said to me, Randal, you’re not much of a hat type-of-guy are [...]

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Be Not Proud: Excerpts From Awkward Eulogies

October 14, 2009

First of all, Alison, I really appreciate the opportunity to memorialize your brother. I know there were others to consider, but you chose me and I’m grateful. It’s a privilege, really, a once-and-a-lifetime chance for a guy like me. And to think that you, Alison Baker, Homecoming Queen, would pick me, Seth Armiston, well again, [...]

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