The Murky Fringe — Where All the Good Bodies Are Buried — Page 2

If Only: Kanye West Interviews Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

January 16, 2012

A new Murky Fringe series, “If Only”—where we examine events and historical figures through interviews that did not and indeed literally could not have happened. First up is If Only #1: Kanye West interviews Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Kanye West: Hi. Sorry I was late. What do you think of Watch the Throne? Dr. [...]

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Things my Daddy Just Don’t Tolerate in Another Man, Especially my Boyfriends

January 14, 2012

Emoticons My daddy don’t have anything against the gays, but he’s got a whole lot against straight men using emoticons. Especially when communicating with another man. Especially when the two men are, for instance, my daddy and my new beau. Hemmed Jean Shorts Shorts on men, he says, unless you’re engaged in some kind of [...]

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Warning Signs Your Kid May Sleep Murder You

January 13, 2012

CONTRIBUTED BY JAMES BEST (BROOKLYN, NEW YORK) Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Bothwell. Welcome to Parent-Teacher Conferences. I’m Mr. Gerchen. And thanks for bringing Kevin as well. Now I know the principal and the music teacher and the cafeteria workers are all worried about him. But let me assure you, I do not think all signs [...]

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Shit I’ve Had to Set my Aunt Barbara Straight On

January 12, 2012

“Your brother Danny didn’t get paralyzed in Vietnam dragging a wounded soldier to a medevac chopper. He wasn’t in Vietnam. He wasn’t even ever in the Army. He got crippled when his car flipped over from him doing donuts out at the rock quarry.” Aunt Mavis is the one that ran off to St. Louis. [...]

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I Approve this Message: Outtakes from Rick Perry’s “Strong” Ad Campaign

January 11, 2012

Fuck ties CONTRIBUTED BY JAMIE POISSANT (ORLANDO, FL) I’m Rick Perry, and I approve this coat. I’m Rick Perry, and I’m openly heterosexual. I’m Rick Perry, and my hair parts to the left. I’m Rick Perry, and I still remember the cheat code to Contra. I’m Rick Perry, and these are pants. I’m Rick Perry, and [...]

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Burning as a Kind of Placeholder

January 10, 2012

We struck matches under my bed, watched them ignite, stared at the yellowish flame consuming the wood in a slow but steady crawl towards our fingers. Then we blew them out. Stink of sulfur, stink of shriveled match-ember. That was the Juniper Street house. A year later, maybe, no more than that, dropping lit matches [...]

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I’m The Maxi Rodríguez Of This Goddamn Swimming Pool Supply Store

January 9, 2012

Listen. I’m not saying you’re not the Maxi Rodriguez of this swimming pool supply store. I guess I just don’t understand. What— Yes, you said that. Right. A soccer player. Right, a striker. For Argentina. And Liverpool, you said. Okay… so? I’m sorry. I am. I want to understand you. And I get that you [...]

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Things We Made Heinrich, the Swiss Foreign Exchange Student, Say Before We’d Let Him Party With Us

January 7, 2012

“It would be more accurate to say ‘The Swiss National Guard Knife’ or ‘The Swiss Army Reserve Knife.’” “There are holes in our cheese because we are stingy, and enjoy the idea of people paying for air.” “Our chocolate is anti-Semitic.” “We hold midnight screenings of Heidi and The Sound of Music and sing along [...]

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Last Night I Dreamt

January 5, 2012

…of being back in my hometown. Like I do every night. Except we all had kids, which most of us don’t. And those of us not here anymore were there. I was trying to help the dad of a high-school friend put in a foundation for the addition to his house. They were going to [...]

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Defending James Franco, Fiction Writer

January 4, 2012

Maybe you should just shut your mouth until you’ve read Palo Alto. That’s his book of short stories you asshole. Oh, he got it published because he’s an actor? Then why is the Paris Review not full of Jack Nicholson and Venessa Redgrave and John and Joan Cusack stories? Because most artists can only be great [...]

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The Murky Fringe Interviews the Terra Cotta Army

January 3, 2012

The Murky Fringe: Hey Terra Cotta Army. Howzit? And just, like, for a bit of housekeeping, do you prefer Terra Cotta hyphenated, or one word, or two words, or what? Terra Cotta Army: TMF: So, guys… you’re all guys, right? Except maybe the horses? Are some of the horses mares? I’ve only seen you from [...]

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Western Wilderness With Wesley Wilshire—‘Seeing The Top’

January 2, 2012

The best thing about going outside in the West—the mighty West I mean, not the plastic West (like Hollywood), and also not the sad West (like Fresno or Bakersfield)—is that it’s impossible to see where you’re going. I’m talking about mountains here, folks. Longstanding rule of serious distance running, and by that I’m talking about [...]

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Last Night I Dreamt…

December 31, 2011

Of my father. Like I do every night. Except instead of trying to instill wisdom into me by way of automotive maintenance, he was part of a group of middle aged men, who came out onto a darkened stage one at a time and extolled the virtues (and comedic mishaps) of relaxed fit stonewashed denim [...]

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The Murky Fringe Interviews The Defecated-Upon Cop Car From the OWS Protest

December 29, 2011

The Murky Fringe: So, is it safe to say… Shat-Upon NYPD Cruiser: Low point of my career? Absolutely. TMF: We’re so sorry for you. SUNYPDC: It wasn’t you who dropped trou and defecated on me. TMF: What’s it like to be used as a toilet? SUNYPDC: That’s not the part that bugs me. Whatever for [...]

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The Diving Board That Knocked Out Greg Louganis

December 28, 2011

Was I trying to hurt him? No. Did I think he was getting a little too big for his britches? Yes. Who didn’t. Do I feel bad about it now after all these years? I don’t. Have I been the same? No. No I haven’t. I don’t bounce like I used to. Would I [...]

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