Posts tagged as:

goat

Things You Shouldn’t Have to Say to Strangers

April 11, 2012

I think you sat on my Snickers bar. Actually, it’s not ironic at all. My dad worked for Lovely Ladies Car Wash and gave me this shirt before he died. No, I didn’t do it, I just found the ear and brought it in. Which one of you fucked my wife first? Well I can’t [...]

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Mount Rushmore Tour Bus with 23 Boy Scouts, Their Disenchanted Scout Master, and a Goat

April 13, 2011

Come on guys, leave the goat alone. Come on now. All right. Guys. Guys! Stop messing with the goat. Guys! Oh hell. Just don’t hurt it. Guys. [bleating] Charlie? What did you do to it? I said don’t hurt it. Just. Leave it alone. Leave it be, Drew. Taron, I want you and Greg [...]

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Hey, Heifer International, I Want My Goat Back

June 11, 2010

Well, technically, it is my goat. I bought it didn’t I? And for the record, none of this would have come up if someone would have taken the time to send me a thank-you note. Forget donations. I’m straight micro-loans now.

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A Coal Miner Remembers His Canaries

October 19, 2009

Pa said not to do this–name birds and such—but he’s gone fourteen years now and I do mostly as I please. We weren’t much for sparrows or ‘keets. We were canary people, long as I can remember. They died quick—first whiff of that bad air. Sparrows were fighters, and my people liked an early alarm. [...]

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Werewolf Parenting

October 3, 2009

You know your son’s a werewolf, and you know exactly when the full moon occurs. Why then do you not chain him up in the garage with either half a cow or a live goat, thus sparing everyone his rampage? The trick is to have something to occupy his need for bloody mayhem. Something he’ll [...]

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