Posts tagged as:

grandmother

Prayer After Eating 63 Peeps

February 18, 2010

Dear God, please take these Peeps away. I was wrong to think that I could eat so many. Please take them from me however you wish. If you have to send wild horses then do it, please. Make my stomach free of them, God, and I will do your bidding forever. I will have lunch [...]

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14 Reasons Why I Shouldn’t Confess My Feelings to My Adopted Sister from Brazil

February 9, 2010

Alandra already has a boyfriend back in Sao Paulo. I’m not ready to take on a second language. My grandmother hates Argentina, and she’ll never learn the difference. It might be interpreted as a sign of severe penile disfunction in her culture. Alandra already has a girlfriend back in Rio. I’m never going to love [...]

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A Brief Lecture for Kids Holding Their Breath While Their Parents Drive Through a Tunnel

January 30, 2010

It doesn’t matter if you can hold your breath the length of the tunnel or not. This is not a time for wish-making. Your grandmother will die someday regardless of your efforts, however courageous.

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Preservation

December 20, 2009

She rounds us up, nags us together for a picture none of us wants but her. This is her custom, her right as she would say if pressed on the point. And so we gather, arrange ourselves in a row of sorts, the men with their hands fidgeting at their sides. The women hunching and [...]

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